Hey everybody caught out there in the interweb! I hope you’re all having a splendid - wait, what day is it?

I haven’t written an update for a few weeks because I’ve ether been off gallavanting all over Ontario or snuggled up on the couch not feeling well, so here I am to inform you. However, instead of giving you dating advice, I shall tell you about my health! Sidenote: pretty sure the woman in the bed next to me just crapped her pants. That may sound odd, but I’m writing to you from my semi-private room in Kingston General Hospital!

Most of you know that I’ve been quite seriously ill with kidney illness. If you’re unfamiliar with what’s been going on, click here to read the story. You may feel inclined to ask me about it and I appreciate your interest, but it’s really exhausting to repeat the way the last two years have gone!

Basically, my ureter on the right side (the tube from my kidney to my bladder) is severely damaged and narrow because of passing too many stones and a botched procedure to blast stones last October. It doesn’t allow my right kidney to drain, causing it to get backed up full of toxic waste and swell, which causes severe pain. Because of that continually happening, my right kidney now only works about 30-40% out of 100%. It will never go back to normal. My body has to rely heavily on my left kidney which is actually the kidney that makes the most stones, (I’ve had stones since I was 16 and no, it’s not hereditary or dietary.) With my kidneys being so backed up, I am always in pain and always exhausted.

Anyway, on May 25th 2012 I met up with my urologist because despite the latest in a string o procedures, I was having a lot of pain and my kidney still wasn’t draining. We discussed the options and after having tried SO many small procedures, we decided to go ahead with a major surgery. This major surgery would entail cutting me open across my tummy and cutting out the damaged section of the ureter in a hope to reattach it, then leave a stent in for the ureter to heal around it, stitch me up and begin a 2-3 month recovery best case scenario. I was called in for the first part of that surgery on June 15th. The doctor said he’d put me under and take some pictures in a cystoscopy to plan for the big surgery, but when I woke up he said he put a stent up there again (a 14inch long tube from kidney to bladder) to allow my kidney to drain in the meantime.

Four weeks went by. Each day I felt extreme pain but I tried to enjoy my summer on a $0 budget. I even had a fabulous birthday in Toronto thanks to my wonderful friends who hooked me up and treated me all weekend, even though I did get sick to my stomach right after our fancy group dinner and before the big party at Lou Dawgs.

On Wednesday, July 18th I went back to the hospital for a scheduled stent removal. It’s very simple: I just lay on the table, put my feet in the stirrups and the doctors put a hook up my peehole to fish the tube out, without any drugs, mind you. It’s over fairly quickly but it’s quite uncomfortable. The plan was to see how I do without the stent in and if I was still having symptoms and an ultrasound within a couple of weeks showed swelling, we’d for sure be doing the major surgery.

I went home that afternoon to rest on the couch but not before going for a walk around the mall and grabbing a sandwich. Within a couple of hours, I was in EXTREME pain. I just laid there crying, doped up on Percocets and praying to Jesus! The pain improved a tiny bit by morning but continued quite badly for four days.

By Saturday morning, I knew this was more than irritation from the stent removal, so I went to emergency. An ultrasound in early afternoon showed the most severe hydronephrosis I’ve ever had, which means fluid retained in a very swollen kidney. Essentially, my right kidney was not draining at ALL. That is extremely serious and life-threatening if nothing is done to fix it.

I was admitted to hospital as soon as the doctor saw the results of that test and we knew we would be going ahead with the major surgery. I was originally told that it would be happening last night, but then my doctor said the O.R. couldn’t be booked for that surgery til mid-August at the earliest. I was furious and I let him have it. Why didn’t he book the surgery two damn months ago when we originally discussed it?! I called my parents to meet me in emerge after 10 hours there alone and I cried my heart out. I knew my summer was over effective immediately and three weeks seems like an eternity to wait when I feel like I’ll just burst out of my back!

The doctors decided to put a nephrostomy bag in my back, which is essentially a tube that corkscrews into my kidney and has a bag on the other end for my pee to drain into. I will be getting surgery for that sometime within the next few days and that will relieve a lot of pressure and pain. However, I’ll have to tape this peebag to my body, hide it in my clothes or carry it in my purse - so no more swimming or tubing or major activity! It will stay with me for a few weeks until I can go into my major surgery.

It does seem like this major surgery should have been done all along, however it is quite risky. For one thing, with so many incisions, it can cause life-threatening infections. For another thing, the ureter may not be salvageable, so my kidney could quite likely be removed. If my kidney is removed, it wont be good because my left kidney is quite sick too. I’ll likely need a transplant and have to stay in the hospital a lot longer…it would be very risky for me and could drastically change my life.

At this point though, I’m game for anything. It’s been 21 months that I’ve been sick, and I’ve now had 11 surgeries/procedures. I haven’t been able to work since December and have spent well over 70 days in the hospital with a few admissions here over the last couple of years. This has totally derailed my life and has been quite hard on me at times, so whatever needs to be done to make this better: GAME ON!

People keep asking me where they can send Get Well cards or penpal letters, so if that’s something you’d like to do, that would totally keep me entertained! My mailing address is:

Missy Deyo
PO Box 35056
Stn Kingston Centre
Kingston, ON, Canada
K7L 5S5

My email is: missdeyo@live.ca as well.

Thanks a million to Kyle Bailey for setting up that mailbox for me so people could send cards! :)

I also really appreciate emails, texts & DMs, but please understand that a huge side effect of struggling kidneys is exhaustion. I am so, so tired! I try to keep everyone updated via my blog, Facebook & Twitter, so even though you mean well, please limit the text messages asking me what every step of the way will entail! It is best for me to focus on happy things and stay entertained, rather than answer the same questions repeatedly. Also, my condition is not likely to improve in the near future, so just know that I’ll keep everyone posted!

It’s 11:45pm now in my quiet hospital room. I’m due for another painkiller shot and it’s time for my sleeping pill. My feet and hands are also plump and swollen from all the fluid backup, so I best be off! Your prayers are appreciated beyond words. It’s my cell phone, iPad and social media that keep me feeling surrounded by love once visiting hours are over, so thank you.

Talk to you soon!

Lots of love,

Missy Deyo

Right away, you girls who refer to yourselves as bunnies or claim to be “for the boys” are already crossing your arms and putting on a pouty face. I call you “girls” quite intently, because very rarely would a woman over the age of 23 refer to herself as a bunny, and it’s typically only boys (or a few men stuck in perpetual teenagedom) who enjoy it. Puck bunnies do not like to be targeted, which is interesting, considering you invest so much energy into making a name for yourselves. You clearly seek attention and revel in flattery but seem deeply offended by any criticism, claiming that any woman speaking out against you is jealous. However, that’s hardly the case.

Now, a few years ago, I had heard the term “puck bunnies” a couple of times and laughed it off, thinking it wasn’t extremely popular, reserved mostly for Halloween costumes and girls with very bad reputations. (If hockey isn’t your sport, feel free to replace “puck bunny” with “cleat/jersey chaser”.) As a Canadian, I was raised religiously on hockey. My Grandpa played for Canada, my siblings had real talent for it, and so did many of my friends. Sure, I had a crush on Darcy Tucker and Ponikarovsky, but for me, that’s pretty much where it ended. I didn’t know their personal lives and didn’t feel that I needed to. For me, I had enough satisfaction sharing in the trials and tribulations of my team from trades to trophies. I knew my favourite hockey players were likely up to no good with the ladies, but I didn’t care, and I sure as hell didn’t care to be another notch on their belt. It wasn’t until the last year or so that I was exposed to an entirely new hockey culture developing - on Twitter. 

No longer does a fan have to patiently wait at signings, get to the stadium stupidly early or write endearing letters to agents and PR staff, they now have direct access to the athletes they adore and it’s all thanks to Twitter. If a fan has good timing, sharp wit, or is super hot, they often get responses or can even develop friendships with boys in the show. I should know - that’s how I’m able to conduct interviews with so many of them for my website, www.sportsbabeoftheday.com. Unfortunately, this means bunnies don’t have to shell out big bucks to sit scantily clad beside the penalty box. Toss out some clever tweets with a lot of self-promotion and mix in some nearly-naked “pic slips” and voila; you set the bait and catch your prey, hook, line and sinker.

Some of you are thinking, “So what? What or who athletes do is their business.” Ideally, yes, that would be true. Except it’s not. Smart athletes are the ones who keep their cards close to the vest in the poker game that is life. They trust few, share little and for that reason are able to keep their head in the game while maintaining everyone’s respect. They live that way because they realize that in today’s modern world, so little is sacred, everything is accessible via the internet and it’s harder and harder to live under the radar. But while it’s awful that in order to chase their dream the pros need to navigate these pitfalls, it’s worse still for you bunnies, who so often have no idea the lasting and horrendous self-image you’re creating.

The self-image you bunnies think you project is one of a girl who would stand by her man from Junior A to Stanley Cup, who cares for the team in a motherly or “wifey” role by fetching beers and making sammies, and whose love and support is crucial to her man’s success. But in reality, you end up being the team bench - everybody rides the pine once. “Puck bunny” isn’t what real female hockey fans call themselves - it’s just a word that’s now synonymous with “slut”, “whore”, “ridden”, “used”, and a plethora of other titles earned by a woman who is known to sleep with as many people as possible to advance her position in life. And that’s a reputation that isn’t easy to shake once its made.

Align your reputation with the puck bunny or cleat chaser lifestyle and you may as well slap stickers on your forehead that say, “No Self-Respect” or “Use Me.” Plenty of boys (not real men) may come calling, but honey, that ain’t no compliment. A bunny is the ultimate submissive, declaring to the world that she exists solely for others’ sexual pleasure and amusement. For any female to belittle herself so is a sad, sad thing. 

Sadder still is who truly suffers the most from all of this, and that is the female sports fan. Women, from broadcasters to athletes, have worked hard to be taken seriously in the sports industry, including the female fans. It’s discouraging that after all the blood, sweat and tears from the women before us, it often feels like our primary role in the sports world is to serve as eye candy. Thankfully, that isn’t so, but the more attention we give these girls, the more difficult we make it for women in the sports community.

Professional athletes will all have their fun and enjoy the perks that money and fame bring, but when they’re ready for something real and lasting, they look for the kind of woman who is strong enough to make hard sacrifices, selfless enough not to draw attention to herself, and loyal enough to remain at his side when the glory begins to fade away. Some of them even do background checks and have confidentiality agreements - so you’d have to kiss your Twitter fame goodbye. A lot of major and minor league teams have meetings to warn the players about girls like you. The boys may cave to sexual weakness for a night but you’ll never be the kind they take home to mama.

The bottom line is at the end of the day, what is chasing a professional athlete really worth to you? Is it worth descrating your reputation? Is it worth pushing away the kind of men who could really love you because they’re embarrassed by your behaviour? Don’t you have your own ambitions? Didn’t you dream of something better for yourself as a little girl?

I don’t sit from a throne of judgment. My mantra looks a lot more like, “Been there, done that, learned the hard way.” So please, girls, heed my advice: Embrace the game, love the players, give it your heart and soul, but for God’s sake, drop the damn bunny act - doing so just might earn you the admiration you’ve been seeking.

As always, love & blessings, 

Missy Deyo

(Contact: missdeyo@live.ca for Dating, Relationship & Life advice and all other inquiries.)

This may sound like it’s geared toward women but men, read along. There’s plenty in here for both of you.

So. We’ve all been there. A cute guy that I’ve hung out with in the past suddenly texts saying he wants to hang out. He suggests cooking me dinner, and I get suspicious. Is this a date? Well, some of you would allow yourselves to wonder and fret but go along for the ride only to experience the awkward moment when you both reach for your wallets or when he leans in for a goodnight kiss that you totally weren’t expecting. But there’s a simple solution. 

If you aren’t sure if it’s a date: ASK! It may be uncomfortable but believe me, you’re going to want that clarity later. And hey, boys? There’s a big difference between a “friendly get together” and taking a lady out, so be clear regarding your intentions. If you’re just too painfully shy to ask him what the deal is, then a general rule of thumb is this: If he says he wants to take you somewhere, it’s a date. If he says he wants to cook for you, it’s a date. 

(And it may be 2012 so women can ask men out and anyone can pay the cheque, but don’t you dare ask anyone out in a text message!!!)

Being the bold woman that I’ve learned to be after ending up in one too many awkward situations, I determined that he did intend for this to be a date. I was filled with questions. Why was he texting me after midnight? (Typically that only means one thing.) Why is he suddenly wanting to romance me now after we’ve known each other for nearly a year?

Ladies, when a man who has known you a long time shows romantic interest out of nowhere, there is one important question you NEED to ask yourself to avoid getting hurt: Does he want YOU or does he want COMPANY?

In my situation, I told this man that I wasn’t really interested in dating at this time because I’m sick, to which he replied, “Why not let someone take care of you?” I laughed, and wrote back, “With all due respect, where have you been for the last 9 months that you’ve known I’ve been sick?”

The bottom line is that guys like this (or girls, for that matter) only come around when they’re lonely. They’re laying awake at night wishing they had someone beside them and wondering who they should text to fill that void. Do not mistake that for genuine interest! Maybe you’ve secretly wanted this person for a long time, but you can’t win them over now if you couldn’t before.

Go ahead, go on the date if you feel like it would be a fun experience, but don’t get your hopes up, because nine times out of ten nothing will come of it. If there were really that much chemistry between you, it would have gone somewhere long ago. The exception to this rule is obviously if either of you had a relationship when you first met. But if you were both single when you came into each other’s lives and the most you’ve gotten out of it was an average makeout sesh, then nothing’s going to change that now!

It’s not really going to matter if you DO say yes to the date, because Lonely Guy has no follow through. If you don’t believe me, the proof is in the pudding here because Lonely Guy didn’t text me on date day until well after dinnertime had come and gone. Luckily, I wasn’t waiting. ;)

Don’t waste your time with Lonely Guy or Girl because the right one is out there, and remember - someone who doesn’t text or call when they say they will doesn’t respect your time, so to them we say, SEE YA!

Love & blessings, 

Missy Deyo

(If you want advice or have a funny story to share about dating, sex, relationships or life, email me at missdeyo@live.ca - your anonymity will be protected!)

Hello Ladies & Gents! Tonight I have something special for you: a dose of my dating advice! I’ve had quite a unique life. When I share my life story, people typically cry like babies and tell me I should write a book - and that’s just from everything that happened before I turned 20! Since then, I’ve had a lot of incredible experiences, traveled all over North America and had some pretty interesting dates. I’m going to use the wisdom I’ve gained in my wild 25 years and above all, my sense of humor in sharing my stories, dating and life advice with you! If you would like advice on anything from work to dating to your hopes and dreams, send me an email at missdeyo@live.ca - I’ll keep it anonymous if you wish!

If I were to think of one cliche term to describe my dating experience, it would totally be that I’ve “learned the hard way.” A lot of my friends think I have flawlessly smooth moves and know exactly what I’m doing when it comes to navigating the single scene but that isn’t so. I’ve simply mastered the art of confidence! 

Ultimately, the sexiest pheromone you can exude is self-confidence. PLEASE make note that there’s a big difference between confidence and arrogance. Want to know the difference? Arrogance is when you walk around like your shit don’t stink. Confidence is when you walk around like you’re beautiful in spite of your shit stinking. Pardon the potty mouth - it was solely for the sake of expression. Potty mouths are only sexy in the bedroom.

When you’re confident, you’re automatically more appealing to people because you wordlessly convey that you’ve got something that’s worth having. Luckily, that has a domino effect because in society, people want what other people want. It’s just the way it goes.

The opposite of self-confidence is insecurity. I used to be riddled with insecurity and anyone who has experienced the depths of self-loathing knows insecurity is paralyzing. It prevents you from living a full life, from embracing opportunities and even from social outings. It causes you to suffer from horrible things like jealousy or depression, etc, and it is a KILLER in the dating scene.

Insecurity is like romance repellent! The bottom line is if you aren’t comfortable with yourself, if you don’t believe in yourself, and if you don’t find yourself sexy - why would anyone else? 

If you don’t already, you need to learn to love yourself. One of the first ways to do that is to realize that who you are and how you feel about yourself is solely UP TO YOU! Don’t look to others to find your self-image and remember - no one else determines your worth. If you need advice in this area, please contact me!

Some of you may be thinking to yourselves, “Well, I’m okay with myself so that certainly can’t be what’s keeping people from me.” But even if you think your confidence level is okay - I challenge you to spend one full day paying attention to your thoughts. Are they mostly positive, or negative? The following day, spend one full day paying attention to your words. Are they mostly positive, or negative?

If you have mostly positive thoughts, then you have a happy disposition. If you find yourself speaking mostly negative things, like griping about traffic or weather or having to stay a little later at work, etc, then you have a negative disposition. So you might think you’re happy with who you are, but how you appear to others who overhear even just your idle chatter might be quite the opposite. 

Ninety-nine percent of people connect with others firstly due to physical attraction - and a pessimistic attitude is worn all over your face. Believe it or not, it shows in how you present yourself. Make an effort to consider your thoughts and words in the next couple of days to see what kind of person you truly are. Sometimes we’re so set in our ways that it takes a conscious effort to gain an honest perspective of ourselves!

Carry yourself with confidence and optimism and even if you aren’t a dime by society’s standards, people will be drawn to you. We all know that an “ugly” person with an “ugly” attitude is all the more unappealing! And hey, if you’re a babe AND you’re rocking a positive attitude, the world and all the babes that lie within are yours.

Love & blessings, 

Missy

(Contact me with your questions, relationship problems, self-esteem issues, dating dilemmas and more at missdeyo@live.ca)

Hi peeps! 

This will be short and sweet because I need to clean my room and one of my best friends, farmer Erica Wallace (yes, she’s seriously a dairy farmer), is coming over for a visit soon. A lot of my friends, Twitter followers and SBOTD fans have expressed that they’d like to send me cards in the mail - the wonderful crew at @LegendaryHockey talked about setting up a PO Box for me - so I decided to go for it. As long as people realize that I’m not dying or anything. Haha. I don’t want to mislead anyone and sound all, oh woe is me, poor me, etc. The reality is that this whole health battle has been incredibly frustrating. I’ve amassed debt from being unable to work, have no idea when this is over, and most of my belongings are now sitting in a 5x10 storage locker until I’m healthy enough to live on my own again. I’m a few weeks out from turning 25 and my life is still completely in limbo. But after the most recent surgery, it does seem like I’m out of any immediate danger to my life and that while this is frustrating, eventually I should make a pretty healthy recovery. 

There are many people who could use your support and encouragement and I’m well aware that I’m far from the most deserving. Yet, with that said, my health is extremely day-to-day right now and something like a Get Well card really would cheer me up! As you can see from the last post, some days are okay and I’m able to get out, but the last few days have been very rough and extremely painful and kept me in bed. 

So, consider this post as me not asking for anything, but definitely allowing you to send cards or letters and me being very happy about it. Hahaha :) 

My P.O. Box is:

Missy Deyo
P.O. Box 35056
Stn Kingston Centre
Kingston, ON K7L 5S5

I’ve had a raging headache the last few days and have hardly been on my laptop, so I still owe a lot of email responses and such. Please be patient! I’m trying to balance rest with correspondence and SBOTD and all of that. I may not be able to respond to everyone via mail because, well, I couldn’t go buy a chocolate bar right now if I wanted to and postage ain’t cheap! Hahaha. 

Also, I know it’s risky to be so vulnerable and share so much with the world but the few dozen emails I’ve received from people that my openness has somehow helped them feel less alone or more grateful and optimistic have made this so worth it. :) 

I want to do another update in the next couple of days with excerpts from emails I’ve received so stay tuned!

Lots of love, 

Missy