This may sound like it’s geared toward women but men, read along. There’s plenty in here for both of you.

So. We’ve all been there. A cute guy that I’ve hung out with in the past suddenly texts saying he wants to hang out. He suggests cooking me dinner, and I get suspicious. Is this a date? Well, some of you would allow yourselves to wonder and fret but go along for the ride only to experience the awkward moment when you both reach for your wallets or when he leans in for a goodnight kiss that you totally weren’t expecting. But there’s a simple solution. 

If you aren’t sure if it’s a date: ASK! It may be uncomfortable but believe me, you’re going to want that clarity later. And hey, boys? There’s a big difference between a “friendly get together” and taking a lady out, so be clear regarding your intentions. If you’re just too painfully shy to ask him what the deal is, then a general rule of thumb is this: If he says he wants to take you somewhere, it’s a date. If he says he wants to cook for you, it’s a date. 

(And it may be 2012 so women can ask men out and anyone can pay the cheque, but don’t you dare ask anyone out in a text message!!!)

Being the bold woman that I’ve learned to be after ending up in one too many awkward situations, I determined that he did intend for this to be a date. I was filled with questions. Why was he texting me after midnight? (Typically that only means one thing.) Why is he suddenly wanting to romance me now after we’ve known each other for nearly a year?

Ladies, when a man who has known you a long time shows romantic interest out of nowhere, there is one important question you NEED to ask yourself to avoid getting hurt: Does he want YOU or does he want COMPANY?

In my situation, I told this man that I wasn’t really interested in dating at this time because I’m sick, to which he replied, “Why not let someone take care of you?” I laughed, and wrote back, “With all due respect, where have you been for the last 9 months that you’ve known I’ve been sick?”

The bottom line is that guys like this (or girls, for that matter) only come around when they’re lonely. They’re laying awake at night wishing they had someone beside them and wondering who they should text to fill that void. Do not mistake that for genuine interest! Maybe you’ve secretly wanted this person for a long time, but you can’t win them over now if you couldn’t before.

Go ahead, go on the date if you feel like it would be a fun experience, but don’t get your hopes up, because nine times out of ten nothing will come of it. If there were really that much chemistry between you, it would have gone somewhere long ago. The exception to this rule is obviously if either of you had a relationship when you first met. But if you were both single when you came into each other’s lives and the most you’ve gotten out of it was an average makeout sesh, then nothing’s going to change that now!

It’s not really going to matter if you DO say yes to the date, because Lonely Guy has no follow through. If you don’t believe me, the proof is in the pudding here because Lonely Guy didn’t text me on date day until well after dinnertime had come and gone. Luckily, I wasn’t waiting. ;)

Don’t waste your time with Lonely Guy or Girl because the right one is out there, and remember - someone who doesn’t text or call when they say they will doesn’t respect your time, so to them we say, SEE YA!

Love & blessings, 

Missy Deyo

(If you want advice or have a funny story to share about dating, sex, relationships or life, email me at missdeyo@live.ca - your anonymity will be protected!)

Hello Ladies & Gents! Tonight I have something special for you: a dose of my dating advice! I’ve had quite a unique life. When I share my life story, people typically cry like babies and tell me I should write a book - and that’s just from everything that happened before I turned 20! Since then, I’ve had a lot of incredible experiences, traveled all over North America and had some pretty interesting dates. I’m going to use the wisdom I’ve gained in my wild 25 years and above all, my sense of humor in sharing my stories, dating and life advice with you! If you would like advice on anything from work to dating to your hopes and dreams, send me an email at missdeyo@live.ca - I’ll keep it anonymous if you wish!

If I were to think of one cliche term to describe my dating experience, it would totally be that I’ve “learned the hard way.” A lot of my friends think I have flawlessly smooth moves and know exactly what I’m doing when it comes to navigating the single scene but that isn’t so. I’ve simply mastered the art of confidence! 

Ultimately, the sexiest pheromone you can exude is self-confidence. PLEASE make note that there’s a big difference between confidence and arrogance. Want to know the difference? Arrogance is when you walk around like your shit don’t stink. Confidence is when you walk around like you’re beautiful in spite of your shit stinking. Pardon the potty mouth - it was solely for the sake of expression. Potty mouths are only sexy in the bedroom.

When you’re confident, you’re automatically more appealing to people because you wordlessly convey that you’ve got something that’s worth having. Luckily, that has a domino effect because in society, people want what other people want. It’s just the way it goes.

The opposite of self-confidence is insecurity. I used to be riddled with insecurity and anyone who has experienced the depths of self-loathing knows insecurity is paralyzing. It prevents you from living a full life, from embracing opportunities and even from social outings. It causes you to suffer from horrible things like jealousy or depression, etc, and it is a KILLER in the dating scene.

Insecurity is like romance repellent! The bottom line is if you aren’t comfortable with yourself, if you don’t believe in yourself, and if you don’t find yourself sexy - why would anyone else? 

If you don’t already, you need to learn to love yourself. One of the first ways to do that is to realize that who you are and how you feel about yourself is solely UP TO YOU! Don’t look to others to find your self-image and remember - no one else determines your worth. If you need advice in this area, please contact me!

Some of you may be thinking to yourselves, “Well, I’m okay with myself so that certainly can’t be what’s keeping people from me.” But even if you think your confidence level is okay - I challenge you to spend one full day paying attention to your thoughts. Are they mostly positive, or negative? The following day, spend one full day paying attention to your words. Are they mostly positive, or negative?

If you have mostly positive thoughts, then you have a happy disposition. If you find yourself speaking mostly negative things, like griping about traffic or weather or having to stay a little later at work, etc, then you have a negative disposition. So you might think you’re happy with who you are, but how you appear to others who overhear even just your idle chatter might be quite the opposite. 

Ninety-nine percent of people connect with others firstly due to physical attraction - and a pessimistic attitude is worn all over your face. Believe it or not, it shows in how you present yourself. Make an effort to consider your thoughts and words in the next couple of days to see what kind of person you truly are. Sometimes we’re so set in our ways that it takes a conscious effort to gain an honest perspective of ourselves!

Carry yourself with confidence and optimism and even if you aren’t a dime by society’s standards, people will be drawn to you. We all know that an “ugly” person with an “ugly” attitude is all the more unappealing! And hey, if you’re a babe AND you’re rocking a positive attitude, the world and all the babes that lie within are yours.

Love & blessings, 

Missy

(Contact me with your questions, relationship problems, self-esteem issues, dating dilemmas and more at missdeyo@live.ca)